The Birth of Robert "Bobby" Jacob Stenzel

My doula, Laura, suggested I write down Bobby's birth story, not only to record it but also to help complete Patrick's story and the journey I took to get there.

With Bobby, I had a much more laissez-fair approach to childbirth.  I read the standard pregnancy books, but nothing that focused on childbirth.  I knew I wanted drugs and figured that I didn't need coaching...women have been birthing babies forever- I didn't need to take a class to learn how.  I used an OB practice that had 6 physicians and used one throughout my entire pregnancy until the last month or so when he recommended that I visit with the other doctors in case one of them ended up delivering us.  At my 40 week appointment, I casually mentioned to the doctor I was seeing (not my own) that I was considering an induction if Bobby hadn't made his appearance by his due date.  She immediately scheduled me for September 8, 2008- four days after my due date.

I remember talking to my sister a few days prior to my induction.  She said to me, " well, I guess that means that you'll be a mom by Monday".  I hadn't thought of it that way and honestly, it freaked me out a little.

My induction was scheduled for 7:30 am Monday morning.  Jacob and I got up, I took a shower and did my hair and make-up and we headed  to the hospital.  When we got there, I changed into a gown and was hooked up to the monitor and given an IV with a Pitocin drip.  The doctor on call from my practice was not my doctor, but it was okay since I only saw him maybe 3 times throughout my entire labor.  I labored for a little bit but the contractions quickly became painful.  I got up to use the restroom and as I was walking back to the bed (with Jacob's assistance), my water broke.  Once I got back to the bed, I knew I would need an epidural so the anethesiologist was called and the drugs were quickly and uneventfully administered.  I continued to labor.  I honestly don't remember much.  I was put on oxygen at one point and made to lay on my side.  Bobby wasn't doing well either.  At about 5:15-5:30pm, the doctor recommended a c-section.  He said, "we can do one now before it's an emergency or we can wait until it is one".  We agreed.  How could we not when given those options?

I was taken into the operating room and Jacob was told to wait.  They almost forgot about him but thankfully he found us.  The anesthesiologist administered more pain medication and they began the procedure.  At 5:58pm, Bobby was born.   The doctors held him up above the curtain so I could see him and then began weighing, measuring, and cleaning him up.  Jacob stood next to me the whole time, holding my hand. We were both crying.  The epidural made it feel like I couldn't breathe, but I was told that it was a common feeling, I was actually breathing.  They started to take Bobby to the nursery.  I made Jacob go.  He didn't want to- he didn't want to leave me by myself, but I didn't want Bobby to be alone.  He was so small, he needed his daddy.  So Jacob went with him - he was the first of us to hold him.

Proud Papa

I was taken to recovery, where my mom and my mother in law came to see me.  Finally, Bobby was brought to me and I was able to hold him for the first time.  He was so small, so new, so perfect.

My life started that day. Our life. This wonderful, crazy, fun filled, exhausting life that I love so much.

A surprising thanks.

What a Thanksgiving week.  In retrospect, losing my job was a great thing especially considering all that I had to do this week. And surprisingly, none of it involved cooking! My sister came into town and with her the whirlwind that is her existence when she visits. She always tries to cram as many things as possible into her two regularly scheduled visits home (the other being 4th of July) and I have usually been able to bow out gracefully, spouting reasons of work and family pressures.

Not this time.

I was available full force and it was great.  It was my first (full) week as a Stay At Home Mom. At first, I was worried since Bobby would be out of school for the holiday- what would we do all week?  How can I keep us all from going crazy?

Enter- the whirlwind of the Goodsole family. All 5. My dear sister, Maggie and her husband Geoff, and their three children , Joshua- 12, Kathleen - 2.5, and Leighton -1 year.

It's funny how relationships change.  My sister and I used to fight  ALL.THE.TIME.  About everything, anything.  It's amazing what motherhood does, it soothes all past arguments- we are now joined together in solidarity in being a mother, a friend,a sister- someone who can relate - and considering we have both had 2 children in the past 3 years (both sets are 4 months and 4 days apart- how weird is that?) we are both going through similar changes in behavior and use each other as sounding boards on how to better discipline and parent our unruly  strong willed children. 

So this week of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for losing my job so that I was able to spend all the time I could with my sister and her children, and that my boys were able to play (and fight) with their cousins. That's what Thanksgiving is all about, right?

And it begins...

The holidays are upon us and with that means my home is about to get turned upside down for the next 2 months or so. As much as I enjoy the end of year festivities-- family get togethers, gift- giving, craft making, cookie baking.. part of me just wishes that it wasn't all necessary.  But then I see the look on my Bobby's face as I tell him about Santa and I know why I do it.  It's for him.  So that he grows up with the sense of wonder and merriment about holidays that a person carries throughout their life.

I'm big about tradition.  I want my boys to grow up having certain things happen every year. Thiings they can track and remember and hopefully carry on with their families.

I haven't carried on much from my childhood.  Mainly because some of the most memorable things were specific to my childhood of a child from a divorced family.  Like, we always went to my mom's on Christmas Eve - where Santa stopped by early since he knew that we lived with my dad.   and then drove through the neighborhood lights.  The neighborhood we grew up in always ( and still does- my dad still lives there) lined the streets with luminaries to guide Santa to our homes.  When we got home, we were allowed to open ONE present.  And it was new jammies - Christmas themed- to wear to bed (and for the next morning- of course).

Now, unless I can get my insta-neighborhood of over 400 homes to start the luminaries- I'm  out of luck on that one.  And with 3 different sets of grandparents all within driving distance- there is no telling where we will be driving from on Christmas Eve. BUT my kids will always wake up in their own home on Christmas morning.  My in-laws have asked us to stay with them every year since Bobby was born, but I won't do it.  I can't.  To me- it would break the magic of Santa - having the stocking- putting out the cookies.  and jammies- Christmas jammies- if only he liked to wear them.

Fall Family Fun!

Oh. My. Word.


How come no one ever told me about Hot Pickled Okra?


I'm seriously addicted now, much to my dismay.  I've never been a fan of spicy food....until I had Patrick. Now, I add hot sauce to everything, kick the heat up on my Asian dishes, dump an incredible amount of wasabi into my soy sauce and now this.

This past weekend, we took an overnight trip to North Georgia.  We got up to Dahlonega in the early afternoon, checked into our hotel and then headed downtown to check out the shop and perhaps sample some of the local wine.
After a quick circuit, we discovered there was only one place doing wine tastings on that particular night, so for $10 a piece we were able to try 5 different wines.  Well, actually 10 since we each tried different ones.  For dinner, we ate at an "American Italian" (aka pizza and spaghetti) place.  Bobby was reasonably well behaved and Patrick went ape shit over the menu.  I'm not kidding.  I have never seen this baby get more excited over ANYTHING!

Dahlonega always holds a special place in my heart.  When I was a kid I used to go camping every summer with my dad's second wife's family (confusing enough?). The whole brood would descend on the town and pan some gold.


And that's just what we did the next morning.  Consolidated Gold Mine is the site of the largest hard rock gold mine this side of the Mississippi.  There's a guided cave tour where you learn about all of the awful chemicals the mining company used to extract the gold as well as the different ways the miners were either maimed or killed.  It was delightful!  Oh and there were bats, too!

In the cave where thousands of men died from cyanide and mercury poisoning!

Since we got there right when the place opened, we went ahead and panned for gold (which is included in your ticket price).  I'm using the Royal We that Jacob loves so much.  He did all the dipping and swirling and I kept an eye on Bobby and nursed the baby.

dip and swirl, dip and swirl

My dad and Karen also drove up and we all met for lunch at The Smith House.  I remember this place as comfort food heaven.  First of all, it's expensive. $18 for all you can eat, family style, Southern food.  And it was ...ehhh okay.  Maybe I've been spoiled, but if I'm going to spend $18 on collards and fried okra, that shit better be awesome.


Next we drove over to Jaemor Farms, which one of my friends told me about when I asked for an apple picking place.  While they do grow apples there, you can't pick them yourself.  I was a little disappointed in that but there was a corn maze.  Jacob was ridiculously excited for it.  That excitement quickly dissipated when Bobby refused to walk and he had to carry him.  Our afternoon stroll through some corn on a cool fall day turned into a death march while we tried to find the exit.  Other activities included an apple gun, a big tube slide and inflated bouncing ponies.There was also a large farmer's market where we were able to stock up on locally produced condiments and staples, as pictured above.  It was fun, but I don't think we will go back. I would love to find a place where we can leisurely meander through an orchard and lift up the boys so they can pull the apple from the trees themselves.  

Death March

The Birth of Patrick Owen Stenzel

I had been in pre-early labor all week the week before.  Tuesday I was adjusted and had regular contractions the rest of the evening but they went away once I got in the bathtub before bed.  I began drinking red raspberry leaf tea and taking Evening Primrose Oil per my midwife’s instruction.  Wednesday night was my final yoga class and everyone wished me luck that the baby would come over the weekend and I wouldn’t be back to kick off the next session.  Friday was the last day at the office.  I had decided to go ahead and start my maternity leave on my due date.  I was more than ready and so was Jacob.  He kept teasing me that I needed to go into labor because he was ready for a week off work.  Saturday, I got adjusted again and Liliana, my chiropractor, told me that she wouldn’t be surprised if I went into labor that night.  My body was ready too. That night, we went to Scalini’s, whose eggplant parmigana is famous for sending women into labor. It wasn’t very good, though and I only ate about half of my food. We drove home by the light of the “Supermoon” – the largest full moon for the next 18 years.  If that all of that did not send me to the hospital, then I don’t know what would. 

 I had contractions all night off and on.  They weren’t so painful that I couldn’t sleep through them, but I was definitely aware of them throughout the night.  So when I got up at around 5 to use the restroom and felt a small pop and a gush, I knew my water had broken.  I ran to restroom and woke up Jacob. My panties were wet and full of what could only be “bloody show”.  I immediately started having semi-regular contractions about 6-7 minutes apart and about a minute long.  I went ahead and got in the shower.  Jacob double checked the bag to make sure we had everything and texted my doula, Laura.   When I got out of the shower, my contractions had gotten stronger.  I called my midwife.  She told me to keep timing and when they got to be 4-5 minutes apart and 1 minute long to call her back. Jacob brought me some water and a piece of cinnamon raisin toast. I wasn’t hungry but I wanted to try and eat since I had barely eaten anything at dinner the night before.  Bobby woke up shortly after that so we called my parents to come get him.  After about 45 minutes, my contractions had gotten to be 4-5 minutes apart and Bobby was starting to be a handful so we decided to go ahead into the hospital and just have my parents meet us there.  As Jacob was packing up the car, I started feeling nauseous.  I hurried to the bathroom and threw up the half piece of toast I had managed to get down.

We got to the hospital and waited in the main lobby for my parents.  The hospital does not allow any child under the age of 18 in to the rooms during flu season.  And flu season lasted from October to May.  My parents arrived and scooped up the boy, gave me a kiss and wished me luck as Jacob and I headed up to the L&D.

When we got up to our room, I was contracting pretty regularly and had to use my yoga breathing to get through most of them.  My doula, Laura arrived shortly after that and then my midwife, Anjili.  She checked me to see how dilated I was.  I was only 1 centimeterL.  By this time I was hooked up to the monitor and my contractions were coming about 3-4 minutes – usually 2 back to back.  Anjili gave us the option of going home or staying and laboring at the hospital.  I knew I wouldn’t have a “time limit” by laboring there (and Jacob’s parents were on their way to our house) so we decided to stay. 

It was a good thing we did because I labored hard all day long.  My contractions were regular 2-3 minutes apart and always 2-3 back to back.  I changed positions frequently.  Sometimes laboring on the toilet or standing or just sitting on the side of the bed.   I started to have some pretty intense back labor and so I spent the next 2-3 hours on my hands and knees (on the bed) while Jacob and Laura used counter pressure on my hips and lower back.  In between my contractions, they grabbed quick bites of some sandwiches that my mom brought them

 Around 4ish, I was checked again and I was at 6 cm, 80% effaced and Patrick was in -1 position.   I continued to labor using my yoga breathing and sound to get through each set of contractions.   I moved to the birthing ball where I made a lot of progress and started to feel an urge to push.  So my midwife checked me and she said I was a “stretchy 8” and that if I had an urge to push, to go ahead and do so, just to let her or the nurse know if it felt like something was coming out.  I moved to the bed with Jacob behind me, but my labor slowed dramatically so I got back on the birthing ball and everything got right back into full swing.  At about 8pm, I moved back to the bed however this time I put the head of the bed all the way inclined and leaned against it so that Jacob and Laura could still use counter pressure on my hips and rub my lower back. I pushed when I felt the need for the next 2 or so hours and at around 10pm, Laura asked me if I wanted some direction, which I gladly accepted.  I pushed with each contraction for the next hour or so.  I could feel Patrick moving down the birth canal with each set of pushes.  I had a room full of cheerleaders, everyone telling me how great I was pushing. I kept going and it seemed to me that it was taking forever. I finally felt the “ring of fire” which describes how it felt exactly.  At this point I could hear Anjili telling Jacob to look and see Patrick.  Since I was facing backwards, Patrick was “face out” (he wasn’t posterior) and at that point the pushing was easy, within 3-4 pushes, he was out. Apparently with his hand up next to his face. I carefully turned around and pulled my little baby to me.  He was perfect. Patrick Owen Stenzel was born at 11:25pm on March 20,2011.   My mom, who I had completely forgotten was in the room, burst out crying with joy.  She never had a vaginal birth. It was her first as well. I held Patrick to me as he was wiped down and held him for the next hour and he started to nurse.  We had a little difficulty at first since he still had a lot of mucous in him. Once the cord stopped pulsating, Anjili had Jacob cut the cord. After about an hour, the nursery came down and gave him his bath in the room with Jacob helping the whole time.  They weighed and measured him- 9.3 lbs and 20 inches. Once Patrick was done getting cleaned up (and had cleared out a lot of mucous from crying), I was able to get him latched on quickly and he nursed like a champ.

The difference between this birth and Bobby’s was like night and day.  This was probably the single hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but also the most rewarding.  I couldn’t have done it without the preparations I made beforehand like finding a practice that supported my wishes for my birth, going to yoga and learning how to use my breath and sound to make it through the contractions and hiring a doula to help guide me through the more difficult parts of the labor.  Jacob was fantastic as well.  I know it hurt him to watch me be in pain, but he stayed by my side the entire time, whispering encouragements into my ear, holding me up as I doubled over during contractions, rubbing my back for hours at a time and even making sounds with me when I would  lose concentration and focus.   I am so proud of myself for being able to give birth to my son without a single medical intervention.  There was never even talk about having a hep-lock inserted.  I worked hard to get this birth and it was everything I wanted to be.  The feeling of satisfaction as I lay in the hospital bed, holding my new baby, going over the birth with Laura was incredible.  I had so many doubters such as my family and friends that wished me well, but always with the caution that it may not be able to happen.  The doctors that told me it couldn’t be done. Well it can and I did it.   And I got a beautiful baby boy out of it too.